Un-Cool, UC

Shite n’ onions, at this rate we’ll be the University of Phoenix within ten years.  It’s bad enough that instructors are leaned on hard (the company term is more like “encouraged”) to use new-media technology even when it isn’t necessary. (E-mail and my laptop are great, but I don’t need a class blog or Twitter account to teach Walt Whitman.)  Now the University of California has begun signaling its desire to move toward complete digitization.  No more physical classes means more money for the schools (since online classes are cheap to produce, but tuition keeps going up), so who cares if it seriously degrades the education our young people are getting?  Go here for Matthew Yglesias’ thoughts on the fucked-up economic model that is the American public university.

The British are (still) Coming

It is almost certainly accurate to say that in both the U.S. and Britain there is roughly the same ratio of reasonably educated, cosmopolitan people to dull, parochial ones (the kind some pedants still call “philistines”).  Hugely disparate population sizes aside, there is probably an even richer variety of cultural activity in the U.S., which is, after all, one of the most ethnically, geographically, politically, and socially heterogeneous countries on earth.  We haven’t been a backwater colony for a long time, and all one needs to do to silence any haters is point to someone like Emily Dickinson or Miles Davis.  Sure, American culture exports a lot of shit.  So does any culture.  The British are the reason we have reality TV.

So why do many Americans, myself included, continue to assume, almost instinctually, that British people are somehow wittier and more articulate and better educated than we are?  This is especially true of our reactions to English emigres, but Irish and Scottish accents are also redolent of cool.  What is it about the national accent that seems posh (to use some British slang), even when it comes to dialects that in England are associated with the lower classes?  Why does a vulgar dumbass like Simon Cowell have any cultural cachet?

Apparently this stereotype irks Britons, too, at least according to Andrew Sullivan, the (British-born) philosophy PhD who edits the great Daily Dish and writes for a ton of American and European outlets.  However, he also argues that there’s some useful truth to the whole thing: impolite English outsiders have historically provided critical, alternative views of U.S. culture.  Go here to see what he has to say.  It’s a Times (of London) weekend commentary bit, which means it’s short enough to read while you eat a cup of yogurt or smoke a cigarette.

-TGR

Hat Rules

The golden age of the fashionable American male hat has been over for a long time.  Sorry, nostalgists.  By “fashionable,” I mean hats that are plumage, and which aren’t worn as a necessary part of one’s work (e.g. farmers still wear hats, so do construction workers, as do baseball/softball players).  For a while there, every prole got to have something that used to be the prerogative of aristocrats and royals: articles of headwear whose functional assets are secondary to their aesthetic effect.  But by the late 1960s, in the developed West, few young or middle-age dudes from the white-collar and educated classes donned hats when going to work or a party.

As things stand today, if you are under 70 and wear any sort of retro hat—a bowler, a fedora, one of those “newsy” tongue-like woolly things—you look like a dick.  Trust me, you do.  Even hipsters quickly relinquished their fascination with undersized fedoras (R.I.P, 2006-2008), although these do remain popular with entry-level alts.

However, one type of hat has been tenacious.  This is the baseball cap (which needn’t actually bear a sports logo).  Dudes still try to rock it during sit-down dinners.  At the bar.  In class.  Seriously, the other night I walked by Opal (an expensive restaurant in Santa Barbara) and saw a 30s-ish guy wearing a Yankee fitted on a fucking date.  Even a Red Sox cap would not have been OK at all.  This indecorous dorm-life shit has got to stop.  I love baseball caps in moderation.  But there need to be some contemporary guidelines.  Think I’ll volunteer to write some.  And since I don’t feel capable of theorizing female hat rules, I will restrict my comments to my gender.  Here are 12 tenets worth considering:

1.) If you are under 23 years of age and/or an undergraduate in college and/or terminally ill, congratulations.  Wear one all you want.  Otherwise the following rules apply.

2.) No caps at work, unless you have a job where a cap is immediately useful (i.e. construction or professional baseball).

3.) If you are sitting down and eating at the same time, you may not have a cap on.  A female family member should have told you this anyway.

4.) You really shouldn’t wear a cap to a party, unless said party is outside on a sunny day or taking place during a rainstorm.  Otherwise, Spaceship You emits a spectrum of bro-vibe which doesn’t entice most women, not even young ones from California.

5.) Even if you are under 23 and in college, you can’t wear any cap to my classes.  Not even a Sox cap.  Sorry, bro, but I already let the sweatpants & surfboard pass.

6.) Caps may be worn to sporting events whether you are a participant or an observer.  Same goes for outdoor concerts, but be aware that caps still aren’t considered very hip, so if you’re wearing one in Prospect Park or wherever don’t expect the girl with the Lisa Simpson tattoo to come strike up a conversation.

7.) NO NEW-ERA FITTED CAPS FOR ANYONE OVER 30.  Not even if you aren’t white.  Grown men should confine themselves to unstructured fitted caps like this one:

8.  If you wear glasses you look better in a cap than a guy who doesn’t (at least according to a girl I once dated).  Get some fake lenses if you want to tart up your style.  I also suggest a blazer.  Counterintuitive, I know.

9.  If you are venturing outside within an hour of waking up, you may wear a cap.

10.  Caps are (sort of) OK while running errands.

11.  You are not allowed to own more than 5 caps.

12.  Baseball caps are cooler than basketball caps, which are cooler than football caps.  This rule applies only to the aestheto-cultural appeal of the cap, not to the sport itself.

13. Don’t make rules about stuff like caps.  What are you, illiterate?

-TGR breaks these rules all the time

More like “The Bores”

Johnny Depp has long fancied himself something of literary actor, and he sometimes acts accordingly.  Unfortunately he tends to idolize mediocre writers: witness all that multi-decade shilling for Hunter S. Thompson.  Professor Depp’s most recent contribution to the arts is his narration of a PBS documentary that is nominally about The Doors but which, like most stories about that band, ends up mostly dealing with Jim Morrison.  I caught half of it tonight.  No, seriously, I really did watch.  Stop laughing.  Anyway, in it you get to hear Depp say things like “the raw passion [Morrison] expressed without fear” and “. . . captured the spirit of an entire generation” with (presumably) a straight face.

I had three thoughts when I saw this.  The first and snobbiest one was, “Man, Jim Morrison was a preening, boorish, pseudo-intellectual egomaniac.  Even worse, he was a terrible poet.  How did the rumor he was talented get going anyway?”  The second was about how The Doors have maybe three or four palatable songs.  (OK, two or three.)  The third was that one is usually only a Doors fan between the ages of 12 and 19.

But then there was a fourth thought: who the fuck is this aimed at?  Do contemporary teenagers even know who Jim Morrison was?  I guess the target audience is nostalgic male Baby Boomers, who have more money than young Americans and of whom there is a profusion, but the documentary’s tone is that of a work trying to “turn people on” to this hip, unfairly neglected band.  And something tells me that most teenagers would be bored to death by The Doors.  Wasn’t the time for this 20 years ago?  You know, when Oliver Stone made that shitty film with the guy who sort of looks like a fatter, older Johnny Depp?

-TGR

Jill Lepore on patriots and tea parties

Jill Lepore teaches American history at Harvard and frequently contributes to The New Yorker, among other magazines.  She’s a witty, deeply learned, but accessible writer and thinker, and her newest essay is a history of a particular kind of political language: allusions and appeals to the “original” intents / ideas of the men pop culture calls the Founding Fathers.  One might think that conservatives are the ones who tend to use this rhetoric, but as Lepore shows it has actually been a tool for abolitionists, gun nuts, antiwar activists, white supremacists, black civil rights warriors, Howard Zinn, Richard Nixon, and now, most loudly, that gang of older, affluent whites led by Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin (among others) which calls itself The Tea Party.  (You know, they’re the ones who hate high taxes and so despise Barack Obama because he cut taxes by $300 billion during his first year in office.)  Lepore’s approach and general attitude toward various movements in past and present U.S. politics is good-humored; nonetheless, she emphasizes that while there have been plenty of annoying, self-righteous “originalists” on the American left, the right is where you go to find truly batshit, destructive appeals to the Fathers:

Originalism in the courts is certainly a matter for debate. Jurisprudence stands on precedent, on the stability of the laws. But originalism has long since reached beyond the courts. Set loose in the culture, it looks like history but it’s not. It is to history what astrology is to astronomy, what alchemy is to chemistry, what creationism is to evolution. The history that Tea Partiers want to go back to is as much a fiction as the Lost Cause of the Confederacy.

A lot of this stuff is founded on those old American pastimes, anti-intellectualism and historical ignorance–Gore Vidal is right to call us “The United States of Amnesia.”  Lepore, however, argues that there is within this a more particular problem: few of us listen much to professional historians.  TV has no use for them.  Rarely does someone who isn’t a Washington, D.C.-based journalist get interviewed on MSNBC or CNN or wherever.  The declining role of historians as public intellectuals

left a great deal of room for a lot of other people to get into the history business. Today’s reactionary history of early America, reductive, unitary, and, finally, dangerously anti-pluralist, ignores slavery and compresses a quarter century of political contest into “the founding,” as if the ideas contained in Thomas Paine’s “Common Sense,” severing the bonds of empire, were no different from those in the Constitution, establishing a strong central government. “Who’s your favorite Founder?” Beck asked Palin in January. “Um, you know, well,” she said. “All of them.”

The essay is compelling.  You can read it here.

-TGR

Hard-Right Resurgence in Virginia

Sigh.  I had thought my beloved home state was leaving behind its idiotic reactionary, whistlin’-Dixie past and becoming a blue-ish Mid-Atlantic state, but in recent months we’ve managed to put several crypto-psychopaths into key positions in state government, including the governor’s mansion.  This last figure would be Bob McDonnell, a graduate of Jerry Falwell’s Liberty “University” who successfully fooled enough voters into thinking he was a moderate instead of a greedy, dogmatic bigot.  As George Packer observes in a recent blog post,

Virginia, not traditionally an incubator of extremism, has become one of the loudest sources of opposition and nullification on the right. Its new attorney general, Kenneth Cuccinelli, has made a national name in his efforts to end Virginia’s ban on discrimination against homosexuals at state universities and his crusade to sue the federal government over health-care reform. The state legislature recently passed a bill declaring that Virginia will not be subject to any new federal health-care reform law. Verga calls health-care reform an unconstitutional government takeover. The rhetoric keeps getting more hyperbolic, the opposition more intransigent, and the ideological tests more rigid. In a political atmosphere as overheated this, the line between ideas and action is always in danger of melting away.

-TGR

219-212. Finally. My condolences to the stupid and/or reactionary.

Woooh, SPRING BREAK.  I have spent 3 hours today watching live coverage of & commentary on the House health-care vote, and my brain is greasy at this point.  Basic cable in Santa Barbara doesn’t give you Fox News, and I’m genuinely sad about that, because it remains as interesting as ever to compare it to CNN’s and MSNBC’s respective coverage.  Still, this gave me time to begin noticing (again) how much more humane and less cheesy MSNBC seems.  Sure, they have in-house reactionary perverts / commentators like Pat Buchanan and that cross-eyed guy who used to work for Cheney, but they also utilize Rachel Maddow and Ezra Klein, and shrill as Keith Olbermann can be, he’s still not the blue-state Geraldo.  Even their graphic design is somehow cooler looking, in both senses of the word: it looks hip compared to CNN’s hyperactive visuals and is more elementally soothing.

Why is this?  Isn’t NBC owned by an evil conglomerate, too?  Why hasn’t all mass visual media turned into Fox?  Presumably the corporate overlords wouldn’t want Maddow doing stories about Blackwater murdering people in Iraq, yet in reality that’s what happens.  Is it just because media corporations can make more money appealing to niche political markets (e.g. how MSNBC is generally left-of-center) instead of trying to grab a vanilla plurality?  IS THIS COMMODIFIED DISSENT?  I need to stop watching the TV now.

-TGR

Sex, please

Did you know that The Weekly Standard has female writers?  I know, weird, right?  Anyway, one of them, Charlotte Allen, has just written an interesting, if belated, essay on the recent phenomenon of Pick-Up Artists viz the bigger question of what the (mostly heterosexual part of ) the dating/sex/love/relationship landscape looks like in 2010 America.  Preview: not so great.  Allen makes an extremely sensible point most feminist critics of people/phenomena like Tucker Max, Neil Strauss, and roissy in dc are loathe to bring up: these guys might be assholes, but goddamn are they popular with young men AND a lot of young women.  Something big and not necessarily pleasant is happening to American sexual culture, and just writing off these guys and their fellow travelers won’t explain or contest or stop anything.

In sum, while the piece is occasionally reductive, and I sometimes can’t tell whether the author is celebrating or bemoaning the present state of things (or both), it’s still punchy and entertaining and, for TWS, surprisingly reluctant to blame left-wing ideologies for everything.  A recommended read.

-TGR